A Battle to the Death? Me vs. My Ego

Here we are again. This time not on the battlefield. I see her laying before me in a hospital bed hooked up to life support, with still so much to say. This past year it’s been a back and forth struggle between what I want, what I think I want, what I used to want and what I think other people want from me. It’s been a year of choices, holding patterns, dreaming and praying that everything is going to turn out as I expected or even better. But here we are, once again caught between these versions of myself that obviously don’t get along, and not farther along on the path to living my ultimate reality, or so it would seem. The split happened quite some time ago and I can’t exactly pin point a date, but the awakening to the Spiritual self has been a beautiful process. While some things have gotten easier, more peaceful, beautiful and graceful, the times when I am not in that grounded place look like a crazy person trying to get out of a straight jacket, which isn’t far from the truth. It’s been so painful at times that I have resigned to seeking old school therapy to help me break down the patterns and the perspectives I am locked in because I just can’t see what doesn’t serve me any longer. Over the last few weeks this has been our conversation. She talks to me in bursts of furry, rage and anger. Between the pumps of air that are pushed into her lungs I hear this: “I feel drained, hopeless, the...

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