Go F@!* Yourself!

From the outside, everyone looks at New York City as this multicultural mecca with people and cultures from all over the world co-habitating within 5 boroughs. While that may be true, it is very easy to live in the city and never socialize with anyone outside of your socio-economic status (or people just like you), especially if leaving the island of Manhattan requires a lot of negotiating. That was my reality when I lived in NY from 1995-2000. I was living in one of the most phenomenal cities in the world and I was doing everything I set out to do: graduate college, get a cool job in “the city” and get my own place. I just did it all within my comfort zone. I had a killer apartment in Chelsea that was ridiculously cheap and after some time of living alone, my roommate from college, who is someone I’ve known since I was 9 years old, moved into the tiny bedroom that had remained empty since I moved into said apartment a year prior. I ran with a posse of about 15 people. Almost everyone I knew I had known since high school or was a friend of a friend from college. We went to bars not clubs and drank a lot…  I mean a lot…. most of the calendar year below 23rd Street and then in the summer, out on Fire Island. We were never Hamptons people. That required way too much effort and the environment could never support our variety of shenanigans. For a long while there, I was happy and having fun. At 24, I was...

Does Time Heal Old Wounds?

When I was in junior high school I had many crushes. The two that stick out the most are twins, Will and Dan. I’m a sucker for dimples and they both had them. I had spent equal time assessing the situation and passing them both neatly folded notes after class, but Dan took the lead in winning my heart – probably because I thought there was a good chance that he liked me back. Come one March on St. Patrick’s Day, in our yellow locker lined hallway, Dan, bless his little heart, bought me a dyed green carnation and asked me if I’d go out with him. I, in the moment, was shocked. I couldn’t believe this was happening. Something I had wanted so badly was actually happening. I don’t know if I genuinely didn’t know what to say or if I wanted to play it cool, but I told him I had to think about it. I suppose I spent the day in the “do I or don’t I?” internal debate, and I remember anticipating the class where I could talk to one of my best friends, Jen. I told her that Dan had asked me out and that I didn’t know what to do. I am not sure why, but she said I couldn’t go out with him. I don’t remember the specifics, but I ended up telling him no. A few weeks ago while sitting in my meditation, this story showed up again. It has a few times over the years even though I’ve already forgiven Jen, who is still a friend of mine, for being,...

Pin It on Pinterest